khazzy's Diaryland Diary


Twisting words...... negative...... toilet goal......

I'm sitting here in front of my computer (obviously)

~stands up to go pee~


~Five minutes later~

OK, whre was I??

~reads what has been written~

...... here we go. I'm sitting in front of my computer and just wondering what life will bring for me in the future. Funny how I know people that know exactly what they are going to be doing in the coming years. They have a plan, an organized plan I might add. Yesterday I bumped into a frined from my High School and he already had a family and a house, a great job and seemed generally content and satisfied with his life. He told me about an upcoming promotion and me?? Well, I told him:

  • I was married (unhappily - but I did not go there thank you very much)

  • was not working for now (due to cutbacks and hence I got fired - no need in giving too long of an explanation)

  • was going to Uni (like for the third time - did not mention that either)

  • didn't have kids (due to my unhappy marriage - you get the pattern here now don't ya?)

  • that hubby was a lawyer (and an alcoholic - yeah same as the other comments)

So basically he left with the following impression:

WOW, Cynthia is married to a lawyer, so she's loaded and doesn't have to work. In her free time she's taking some Uni courses and since she doesn't have any kids she can still enjoy going out any night she wants without having to worry about a babysitter, or kids getting sick and she has all the freedom in the world. She's lucky!!

~cough cough ------ insert sarcasm here~

It's funny how I can manipulate words and make it seem like someting else without even lying. Scary isn't it??

Of course, maybe he was just blatantly lying to me because he does not has that gift, or he could just be using the same trick on me. Who knows...

The thing is that I actually felt embarrassed about being who I am and what little if anything I have acomplished in my life. In HS I was popular, was in the in crowd where even the older kids wanted to hang out with me, one of the smartest in class, graduated with a 4.0 average, got accepted into Uni immediately, played sports, played the clarinet and got offered grants for both of them (opted for the music grant) and basically could have any guy I wanted. Very good prospects passed through my life and I wonder.... where did I go wrong?? This has nothing to do with the way I was brought up, my parents were wonderful if a litte too strict, which I appreciate now because I would definitely be worse off if not for that.

I have a tendency to focus on the negative though, and I have to change that. Something good must be brewing in my life but I just don't think about it much if at all. Guess I will have to focus on that from now on. OK, too much venting.

Oh yes, I've been drinking a lot of water lately and I have become good friends with my toilet and toilets all around. My goal, to visit every restroom I can. So I'll leave you know to yes, you guessed it, go rid my body of waterly fluids once again.


12:16 pm - 29 May 2002


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