khazzy's Diaryland Diary


Felling bad... feeling good... feeling worse... everything is ok now

Yesterday night something happened that made me upset (nevermind what for) but I was. So what do I do? I ate and ate chocolate. This is a problem and when I was done I felt even worse, which I knew would happen. I even thought about purging, but I thought better of it and just went to bed. Today I got up for the gym and did 1 and a half hour of cardio and some lower body weights; went to the supermarket afterwards and got some cereal and fat free milk, something nice and light for lunch and kept on going. I will not look back and I will definilitely need to be more in touch with my feelings to learn how to handle them. It definitely would not be lovely if I started acting all bulimic now.

I ahve to admit that at the time when I was consuming all those vast quantities of chocolate it felt good... really really good. Of course afterwards I felt absolutely horrible and disgusted with myself, but I can understand how it is that people get addicted to all kinds of substances. I know that the goodness will only last for a little while but it sure feels a void for that time. I will definitely not do that again, I certainly do not want that to become a habit or part of my life. But I can understand it better now, I think.


I can't find my WW points slider damnit! I ahv ethe online calculator but I still want my slider because of its convenience, and I really want to start taking things seriously. I cannot afford to go tot he meetings anymore so that means I can't just go there and ask for another one. Guess I will have to eyeball it for a while, or maybe someone very nice like say Sarah or Rica could scan it or something and send it to me. (HINT HINT) Oh well, I can dream can't I?


9:46 am - 22 April 2004


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