khazzy's Diaryland Diary

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Reality sinks in....

As I write this tears flow down my face. There is no way to deny it now, or to kid myself any longer. She is dying. She can barely walk and she even stresses when she so dutifully wags her tail at me when I pet her lovingly as I try to comfort her. Well, in reality I'm trying to comfort myself, because tomorrow I shall take her to the vet and put an end to this misery that she is going through. She will not eat, nor drink any water. Everything upsets her stomach into a knot and makes her pain even worse. I can't stand watching her like this. I just want her to come running towards me like she used to, to play with her toys and do her funny antics that would always make me laugh in delight.

Her spirit is almost not there anymore. She is hanging only by a thread and I swear it is just to please me at least one more time. I love her dearly and she will always be in my heart. Tonight I will make her as comfortable as possible and lay down next to her to sleep like before all this cancer nonsense appeared. Tomorrow is anotehr day for me, and for her it will be her last. I really do not know how I will manage without her licking and wagging. My heart will cry for a very long time in her absence, but it will always be followed by fond memories and love.

I can only hope that I'm making the right decision and that she will be at peace and her pain gone. I hate myself for having to make that decision, but I really think is the best for her at the moment. I'll always love you Khazara, my precious darling puppy.

10:27 pm - 29 June 2004

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