As the night went by I started to remember what the old Cynthia would have done on a night out with the girls. The fun, sweet, joker, confident, skinny, beautiful me that has gone to a hiding place. I felt so weird being in the pub in the first place. Different peeps, not the ones I stopped seeing after I left the place a while back. I was not even looking at any blokes in the face, I just looked at my girlfriends and talked, talked and talked some more to make the night more pleasurable. I did looked at the blokes butts though.

I really did not realize (sounds like funny grammar but I really don't care) how much I've changed; but I also realized that I kind of like the new me. It definitely needs improvements, but I am more mature and more aware of my surroundings... I appreciate more the good and simple things in life, I am not petty and I care for my friends very deeply.

I just have to start caring about myself more and things will eventually click into place, like looking better physically and adapting to new situations quickly. I hate being a scardy cat when men are involved. I know I should not be thinking about getting remotely involved with anyone right now but it has crossed my mind; but I have to be honest with myself, it would be out of spite. To hurt HIM as he has hurt me over and over, and since I can't hurt HIM in the same way, cheating would be fine by me.

Oh well, better go now. I am hungry you know?? Going to go eat a salad or something.

BuhBYe fishies