khazzy's Diaryland Diary


Good person......

OK, so I'm feeling better today, don't know if it was the pills I took or the beers I had last night after Band Rehearsal. Oh well, whatever it was I'm feeling better, still in pain but not as much..... so it's all good.

Last night an ex-member of the Band that left due to some problems that the group has been encountering for a while now, joined us in our drinking Tuesday binge. He used to be a regular with us there but since he had left he hadn't been joining us. He's a very sweet man, very simple and endearing. As the night went on and more drinks were consumed he came up to me and said how much he loved me (in a brotherly way mind you) and that he would always remember and appreciate me. Why?? Because one day at a parade he was sick and I fussed all over him making sure his fever was under control, getting him water, pills and just checking on him every five minutes or so. Now for the love of me I really don't remember doing anything remotely like that with him or anyone else, but he says that it happened and of course I believe him.

I guess I'm just the kind of person that does that on a daily basis and is so ingrained on me that I don't really do that sort of stuff just to boost my ego or make people like me. I just do it because that's how I am. He made me feel so special for remembering that event that I so took for granted. Why am I telling you this?!?! Because I guess I have come to the conclusion that I am a good person.... that I look forward to helping others just because it's the right thing to do and I will not think twice to put someone else before me.

I thought that maybe that such incident was a fluke but I have realized that is not the case. I have rammed my brain thinking of good things that I have done and it was hard I tell you. I don't really remember specific incidents but more like just gestures. For example I am one to give a friend all the money I have in my purse if someone asks me to lend it to him/ her. I don't mind not having money for my petty things like fags or beer as long as they can solve their problem. I will run an errand for someone even if I had planned on staying home that day just laying around and do nothing. I will postpone or cancel plans if someone needs me there for them and I will just not think about it twice.

Yes, so I guess I'm sweet and it's odd to think of myself that way. I have always thought of myself as a bitchy and moody person. Not always making the best decisions or using my best judgement and certainly not always doing what's right.

So, I guess I was wrong and I must say I feel darn proud of myself today.... and you know what?!?! It feels very very good.


12:04 pm - 01 May 2002


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