khazzy's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AAAaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggghhhhh AAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh! ____________________________________________ There, now that I got that out of my system I will be able to sleep tonight. Things in the marriage department are, unfortunately, turning sour yet again. I know that I beat myself up about this but living with an alcoholic is just not easy, especially when he doesn't think that he deserves to live a happy and somewhat normal life. Money problems are starting to arise once again, not that they ever really went away but things were definitely uch more manageable. I'm virtually without a place to live, since the moving to my new house to be thing, sort of fell through for the moment and my current contract ends now in January. I'm contemplating moving into my parents house for the time being, but if I do so I'm seriously considering not taking my better half with me. I really can't take my problems to their home. Personally I don't think it's fair to them, nor to me since I would be walking on egg shells every day, just thinking about the events that might transpire becasuse of the whole situation. He's a grown up but he literally wouldn't have a place to live if I were to do that, so that makes me feel stressed. I use this term lightly, cause I'm really feeling much more than just stressed out. I feel like I'm living in a void which keeps getting darker and darker, if that's even scientifically possible mind you. I'm such a fucking coward, it's disgusting! Life used to be so simple. I give thanks to God everyday that I at least have decided to put off hte plans for having a baby. I just know that it wouldn't be wise or fair to do so. I don't want to bring a precious human being into this world to go through misery in his own home. ____________________________________________ AAAAAAAARrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh. Just one more for good meassure. BuhBYe
12:07 am - 27 January 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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